While some relationships start out with a bang, there are those that never get out of the proverbial gate. These are relationships where people are just not compatible but somehow, one or both partners manage to stay together even though they know the relationship is not fulfilling their emotional or physical needs. Neither partner wants to break up because they either don’t want to hurt the other person, or they are afraid of being alone. Their beautiful relationship turns into the dreaded relationshit.
What is a Relationshit?
This is how Urban dictionary defines a relationshit: A relationship with a significant other that has gone sour and both parties are too scared and/or lazy to call it quits.
The honest truth is that when people are in bad relationships, they know it. And I want to make clear that being in a crappy relationshit is not the same as being in a TOXIC or abusive relationship. There are differences. I’m talking about a relationship where there is a lack of compatibility and real emotional connection.
Sometimes it’s important to know when it’s time to break up and move on versus staying and trying to “fix” the relationship. And the truth is that people in bad relationships know instinctively that something is not kosher. They have a certain intuition that their relationship is somehow not as it should be. They usually search for signs that define a bad relationship. If that’s why you’re here reading this, let’s get right down to it because chances are you’re in a crappy relationshit.
7 Signs You’re in a Crappy Relationshit
Usually, all the signs are there. There are red flags everywhere. You may not see them because you’re too blinded by the “idea” of being in love and you don’t want to face the reality of being alone.
Let’s examine the 7 signs your relationship is actually a relationshit.
1. You’re not a priority. You’re an afterthought. Feeling like you don’t matter can only make things worse. Everyone wants to feel valued and appreciated, especially by someone they love. True love is demonstrated by acts of love. And when we love someone, we put them first to show that they are important in our lives. If your partner doesn’t return your calls, if he or she flakes out on plans, or if they make excuses to avoid spending time with you, they clearly are not making you a priority. So if you’re constantly feeling neglected and invisible, then you may be in a crappy relationshit.
2. There are serious control issues. Everyone tries to exert some form of control over another, but when this overbearing behavior starts suffocating you, it is a sign that something is wrong. If your partner is constantly guilting you, keeping score and holding grudges, manipulating you into doing things you don’t want to do, then there may be some control issues going on with them. Trying to control your partner is a sign of insecurity and may lead to resentment by the party being controlled. So if you’re feeling like your partner is trying to control you, then you may be in a crappy relationshit.
3. You don’t trust each other. A relationship that is not built on the solid foundation of trust and loyalty has nowhere to go but toward break-up or divorce. Trust is earned and built when two people who love each other show their loyalty in small ways: by having each other’s back, by standing up for each other, and by being honest and forthright in their daily interactions. But when a partner breaks that trust, whether by telling little lies or engaging in the C word (cheating), a relationship starts to shift to the dark side. Feelings of intense jealousy may surface and insecurities develop. If you feel like you can’t trust your partner, then this is a sign that you are in a crappy relationshit.
4. You are critical of each other. Being overly critical of each other will start to erode your self-esteem and self-worth. When someone constantly puts you down, mocks or belittles you, you will start to believe that you must be lacking and that something is wrong with you. You will believe that you can never do anything right. Nothing you do will ever be good enough for your partner. If your partner is only focused on your flaws and never compliments your virtues, this will erode the bond that you feel for each other. If you’re finding that you’re both overly critical of each other, this is a sign that you’re in a crappy relationshit.
People in bad relationships know instinctively that something is not kosher. They have a certain intuition that their relationship is somehow not as it should be. They usually search for signs that define a bad relationship. If that’s why you’re here reading this, chances are you know you’re in a crappy relationshit.
5. There is a lack of respect. When your partner is inconsiderate, doesn’t hear you, or crosses your boundaries, they don’t respect you. Your partner may flirt with others in your presence. He may disparage you in front of others. This lack of respect may stem from the fact that your partner does not value you and does not consider your feelings. This selfish perspective leads to a lack of compromise and understanding. If your partner is dismissive of you, inconsiderate, and doesn’t respect your boundaries, then you’re in a crappy relationshit.
6. You have nothing in common. As people get to know each other and the lust wears off, they may realize that they have nothing in common. There’s no common ground on which to build the relationship. You are two different people going in opposite directions and drifting further apart in your views, goals, and desires. If you and your partner have nothing in common, then you’re in a crappy relationshit.
7. You just know. You have a feeling, an intuition. If you find yourself searching for signs of a bad relationship, then this in itself is an indication that yours is probably a relationshit. That little voice in your head tells you that you and your partner are not compatible. Listen to your intuition and don’t ignore the warning flags. Believe the signs! If you have a nagging feeling that your relationship is not what it should be, then you’re in a crappy relationshit.
Your Relationship Doesn’t Need to Be Crappy
Relationships don’t need to be crappy. You should feel loved, valued, respected, and heard. You should know that your partner loves you as demonstrated through acts of love. (It’s important to note that many relationships go through normal ups and downs. These are relationships which are worth saving, especially when there are children involved and the family is at stake.) But sometimes it’s important to know when to move on and cut your losses. You should not stay in a crappy relationshit just because you’re terrified of being alone or don’t think you’ll meet anybody who’ll want you.
Remember the words of George Washington, “It’s better to be alone than in bad company.” Only by leaving a relationshit can you hope to find someone who will love, cherish, and respect you in the way which you deserve.