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I Just Found Out My Husband is Cheating on Me…What Do I Do?


Learning that your husband is cheating can have devastating effects.  You thought this could never happen to you.  You have a pretty stable and happy marriage and although you have had your ups and downs, you thought he loved you and was happy in the marriage. Finding out that he’s cheating on you can set your mind reeling with unanswered questions.  You may experience denial, anger, depression.    You want to cast blame and find answers.

I Just Found Out My Husband Is Cheating on Me…What Do I Do?

The first thing you want to do is recognize that he has broken your trust and betrayed your marriage vows.  You are in your perfect right to feel betrayed and crushed by his infidelity.  His actions have compromised the stability of the marriage and the family.

So now, what do you do?  Assuming you want to salvage the marriage and put the broken pieces of your marriage back together, there are things that experts suggest you can do to help you navigate this difficult time.

10 Things To Do When You Find Out Your Husband Has Cheated

1.   Don’t fall apart.  Stay calm.  This is easier said than done.  No one really expects you to stay calm and not experience the turbulence of emotions that come flooding once you learn that your husband has been cheating on you.  what it does mean is that you have to take control of your emotions so that you don’t fall into a debilitating depression where you cannot function and perform your daily routines and activities.  Of course, you’re going to be upset.  Of course, you may want to go all Lorena Bobbit on him.  Keep your wits about you and stay calm.  If you really want to save the relationship and understand what happened, going off the deep end won’t help you or the situation.

2.  Have a good cry. Cry if you have to and when you want to.  Cry every morning and every night. Crying is good for the soul and releases pent-up emotions.  Crying reduces stress, removes toxins, and lowers blood pressure.  So if you feel like crying, go ahead and turn on the waterworks.  No one should tell you that crying is a sign of weakness.  Your husband just broke your heart.  You deserve a good cry and have a cathartic release through your tears.

3.  Don’t get even.  You may want to get all his clothes and pile them on the front lawn.  Or you may want to get his clothes, pile them up on the front lawn AND set fire to them.  You may have the urge to slash his tires or key his car.  You may want to do the same to the other woman.  Don’t.  Resist the urge.  Nothing good can come of it and you may get yourself in legal trouble.  It helps to write this in a journal and release your emotions through writing.  It’s okay to have these feelings.  It’s not okay to act out on them.

4.  Don’t go out and do the same.  Often, the victim of an affair will go out and have an affair as a means of retaliation.  I don’t advise you do this.  Having a revenge affair will only complicate matters and will not help solve the problem.  It will leave you feeling used and empty.  You will most certainly ruin any chances of saving the marriage if you go and have an extramarital affair as a means to get back at your cheating spouse.

5.  Don’t blast him on social media.  Don’t air your dirty laundry out in public, especially on social media.  I’ve seen several friends post negative things on social media about their cheating spouse only to reconcile a few months later. People will form the wrong impression of you and your partner and of your marriage.  What you do is to tarnish that person’s reputation and put him in a negative light in front of others.  Once you open that door, you can’t close it and you’re letting acquaintances, friends, and frenemies in on your most intimate moments.

The first thing you want to do is recognize that he has broken your trust and betrayed your marriage vows.  You are in your perfect right to feel betrayed and crushed by his infidelity.  His actions have compromised the stability of the marriage and the family.

6.  Don’t listen to your friends’ opinions.  Everyone has an opinion on what you should do and shouldn’t do.  your friends will chime in and tell you to leave your husband.  Others will tell you to stick it through and save your marriage.  Some may give you immature and destructive advice. Bottom line, your friends are not qualified to give you marital advice since they are not professional therapists or counselors.  And, at the end of the day, you have to do what’s right for you and your family.  So lean on your friends for emotional support but take their advice with a  grain of salt.

7.  Don’t involve your parents, in-laws, or children.  Unless it’s absolutely obvious and you cannot hide it from your family, it is best that the infidelity remains between you and your spouse.  If you involve your family members, they may turn on your husband.  And if you decide to reconcile and make things work, they may resent him for a long time.  Your children will probably not understand if they are young and they should be spared from the unnecessary stress and heartbreak.

8.  Don’t make rash decisions about the fate of your marriage.  You may think your marriage is over, that your relationship is doomed.  The truth is that many couples are able to save their marriage and come through the other side of infidelity stronger than ever.  You should never make life-changing decisions when you’re in emotional turmoil and distress.  If you have children and your spouse is truly sorry and wants to work on rebuilding the relationship and the marriage, you should table all thoughts about divorce until you can make decisions with a clear head.

9.  Recognize that things can’t go back how they used to be.  Your marriage will never go back to how things used to be and they shouldn’t.  Something happened that caused the two of you to drift apart and send your husband into the arms of another.  While not casting blame on one particular person, after all, HE is the one who chose to commit infidelity, it is important to recognize that the two of you created an unhealthy dynamic where one partner felt the need to go outside the marriage in search for what he was lacking.  Rebuild your marriage from a new and fresh perspective.  Don’t go back to the old habits and patterns of the past.  Those didn’t serve you very well.

10.  Get professional counseling.  Most marriages that make it through the pain and shock of infidelity do so with the help of a professional mediator.  A marriage counselor can ask the right questions and facilitate getting to the root cause of whatever cracks are in your marriage.  Sometimes we must admit that we need help and that a professional.  Couples therapy may help you sort out the underlying causes that triggered the affair and how you can put the marriage back on track.  It can help you clarify feelings and communication with your spouse.

Even If Your Husband Has Had an Affair, You Can Still Repair Your Relationship

Finding out that your husband had an affair can have devastating consequences on your marriage, your family, and on your emotional stability.  But saving your marriage is possible if you both want to make it work.  Recognizing that people make mistakes and everyone deserves a second chance.  Your marriage and your family can recover and come out stronger than ever if you both truly desire to make it work. 

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