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How to Get Over a Painful Breakup


Getting over a painful breakup is not easy and you will experience a roller coaster of emotions.  When someone you love breaks up with you, or even if it’s a mutually agreed separation, it can feel like a part of you has died. Worse, it can leave you full of unanswered questions and in the depths of despair. The heartbreak you feel over losing your one true love can crush your self-esteem and can even take you years to recover from it.

How to Get Over a Painful Breakup

If you experience a painful breakup you should know it’s common to fall into a deep depression and feel that there’s no moving forward from this.  You may feel that you will never find someone like your ex and you may have obsessive feelings about him or her.

You feel like you’ve been punched in the stomach and can’t breathe. All of these feelings are normal.  You’re not insane.  And you’re not losing your mind.  You may even be experiencing physical symptoms due to the emotional stressors.

Emotional Pain is No Different than Physical Pain

woman hurting because of a painful breakup

Emotional pain can hurt as much as physical pain.

As a matter of fact, science reveals that the pain of rejection is not that different from physical pain.  And your brain can’t tell the difference. A broken heart hurts as bad as a broken bone.  You may experience physical symptoms such as lack of energy, headaches, nausea, light-headedness, and even heart palpitations.  This is all part of what is commonly referred to as lovesickness.  

However,  the debilitating physical symptoms you experience after a painful breakup may seem minimal compared to the psychological and emotional wounds. A painful breakup can leave you with scars you will carry into the next relationship because of the emotional and psychological baggage from the trauma you’ve experienced.  You feel undeserving of being loved and therefore, sabotage your chances of finding true love with the next person who may be right for you.

The Good News is That You Will Recover and You Will Love Again

Identifying the stages of emotional heartache is the start to getting yourself on the path to healing your heart. Whether the breakup was inevitable and you both saw it coming, or whether you were blindsided, knowing that what you’re feeling is not unique can help you cope with the turmoil of emotions. 

You may experience some, most, of all of these feelings and in no particular order.

Questioning–You start to question every aspect of your relationship.  You ask why–not only to yourself but to your ex and even God. YOu replay in your mind different scenarios and analyze words said, actions, looks.  You can’t understand why this has happened and you try to make sense of it.

Denial–You can’t believe that this is happening to you.  Even if you knew that your relationship was on the wrong path, you still had a glimmer of hope that things would work out.  You still think that there is a way to save the marriage or the relationship. But when things between two people become irrevocably broken, the best thing to do is to move on.  You still cannot accept it.

Blame–You may cast blame on your partner for not trying hard enough.  You may blame outside factors or people who may have influenced him or her negatively against you.  Worse of all, you may blame yourself. You beat yourself up saying I could’ve done this, or I could’ve done that…Truth is that both of you are to blame but at this point, once someone wants out, this is a moot point.  The one purpose that looking for blame would serve is to analyze your own destructive behaviors and not repeat them in a future relationship.  After all, you do not want to self-sabotage yourself.

Unworthiness–a painful breakup can leave you reeling in a maelstrom of emotions, especially self-destructive ones.  You may feel that you were not good enough or that your ex is better than you and that’s why he or she left.

Anger–You’ll experience feelings of anger, not only toward your ex but toward yourself as well. Use this anger to project your energies into something productive.

“A broken heart hurts as bad as a broken bone. You may experience physical symptoms such as lack of energy, headaches, nausea, light-headedness, and even heart palpitations.  This is all part of what is commonly referred to as lovesickness.”

Bargaining–You may want to bargain with your partner.  I’ll change if you come back. Let’s give it another chance and I promise to… You may bargain with God.  You’re desperate and you want things to go back to how they used to be and you think that you can fix things if only this were different.  You’re taking all the responsibility for the break-up and are assuming that you can fix it.

Fear–If you’ve been with your partner for a long time, you may face the possibility of the unknown.  What are you going to do now without this person? You may be financially dependent on him or her. You may have children, a pet.  You may own property. A breakup leaves a void that at first is difficult to fill. You may be afraid that you’ll be lonely and alone for the rest of your life.  But rest assured these feelings are normal, and you can move on with your life and love again.

Obsession–some people become obsessed with winning their ex back.  This obsession borders on clinical behaviors that can lead to criminal activities which include stalking and cyberstalking.  If you find yourself constantly creeping in your ex’s social media account or driving by his or her place of work or his home, you could be developing obsessive tendencies which are extremely detrimental to your state of mind. Fortunately, not many people obsess to this extreme level, but you could obsess in a more subtle way where you just can’t or won’t let yourself get over your ex. The feeling of unrequited love can linger for years and can prevent you from meeting other quality people.

Depression–Some people fall into a deep depression following a serious breakup.  Feelings of unfathomable sadness where you may not even want to get up in the morning may persist.  You may cry all the time or even feel numb. If you notice that you start to shut out your friends and family and your normal day-to-day routine is affected, I encourage you to seek professional help.

Acceptance–We’ve all heard that time heals all wounds.  And while this may sound corny and trite, truer words were never spoken.  Time is a gift that can heal our hearts. With time, memories start to fade and old hurts sting less.  We move on and rebuild. With time, you’ll accept the breakup. You may even be able to think of the good and bad times and use them as learning opportunities to empower yourself to be a better person.

hopeful woman recovering from a hurtful end of relationship

You will get over your pain and love again. Time does heal all wounds.

You Can Get Over a Painful Breakup and Find True Love Again

Breaking up with someone you love, or that you loved, or had a long-term relationship with, or even hoped to have a long-term relationship with can be one of the most heartbreaking and emotionally, spiritually, and physically debilitating things most of us have had to deal with at some point in our lives.

But with time, you will heal from your past hurts and betrayal.  Once you do, you will be able to find true love again.