Many women worry that they are not attractive enough to attract the right man, and that may be true but probably not for reasons they think.
While men do notice women for their physical traits and characteristics, physical attraction alone will not be enough to build a steady relationship.
And although there are not a blanket set of qualities that turn men on, or make up the list of the ideal women, there are general guidelines that most men consider when looking for the perfect mate.
What Do Men Look For In Women?
Remember that I’m not giving you advice on how to hook the casual date or late-night hook-up. I’m giving you advice on how to tweak certain aspects of your personality or even physical or outward appearance so that you may become more approachable and can feel confident to know that you can be with any man you want. I want you to feel that no man is out of your league.
This is why I’m writing this blog post: many of my readers and even my girlfriends are confused as to what a man wants in a woman. The movie industry, media, and society send us mixed messages as to what men want or who they truly are. We see a politically correct version of a male when in reality is not the case. These males often portrayed in romantic comedies are just idealized versions of what women think a perfect man should be. These men are often sensitive, bring flowers, say the right things, are clean and neat looking, have the perfect job, makes lots of money, and oh, yeah, look like a Greek god.
I hate to break it to you ladies, the perfect protagonist or leading man is simply a figment of a writer’s imagination. Now, I’m not saying that there are men out there that fit this mold and have most of these traits, but what I am saying is that these leading men are simply masculinized versions of our imagination.
Having said that, women have been done a disservice by believing that this is an accurate picture of a man and that this man will, and should, accept the “modern” woman. This “modern” woman who has liberated herself of all femininity and wants to act or be in what has traditionally been the male role. Unfortunately, this is not truly the case.
Often times women delude themselves in thinking that they can act a certain way and that men are supposed to accept them because they have been told that there are no rules and that gender stereotypes are no longer in play.
Although this would be ideal in a utopian or evolved society, this is not the case. Believe it or not, the dirty little secret is that gender roles continue to be entrenched in society because, let’s face it, biology plays a big role in who the male and female psyche is and what it wants in a potential mate who will play a role in the procreation of the human race.
In other words, at his most primal level, a man carries with him the old caveman DNA that made him get out of the cave and hunt for prey to bring back to his family. He had to ensure that his offspring had a fighting chance to survive the hostile environment that they lived in and one of the ways this caveman did this was by selecting a fit, strong woman who would bear healthy children. This societal structure had to conform to strict boundaries so that the family and descendants could survive.
Now, I’m not saying that we live in cavemen times and that women need to be “in their place” in order to attract the perfect man. Not at all. Women are equal to men in the sense that one gender is not spiritually or morally superior in any way. However, men still expect certain things from their ideal woman and if you want to find a potential life partner, a man with whom you can build a solid relationship and start a family, there are some things to consider and possibly work on to make yourself more attractive to men.
10 THINGS TO MAKE YOURSELF MORE ATTRACTIVE TO MEN
- Wear Natural Looking Makeup--makeup has been around for millennia, probably around 6000 years when the Egyptians wore it–both men and women–for religious rituals, for beauty, and even for embalming their mummies. But if you look at the history of makeup in western society, you’ll find that it wasn’t until the 1920’s when the movie industry brought cosmetics and “painted” ladies to the big screen. Women who wore rouge had been considered “fast” since only ladies of the night used to paint their lips and cheeks to attract men. Both men and women recognized that the use of makeup to enhance one’s look and attract males was an effective tool. And yes, make-up has come a long way since the time of the Egyptians and the Romans, and we use makeup to make ourselves look beautiful and more attractive. Most men will tell you, however, that they don’t like a woman who looks like a clown. Many women overdo it with the application of excessive foundation, sculpted eyebrows, contouring, false eyelashes… In short, I could go on forever. Try to keep your makeup looking natural and have it highlight your natural features. You’ll be more approachable this way.
- Lose Weight and Stay Fit–yes, I know that this is a bit sensitive, but the reality is that if you really want to attract an ideal man or the man of your dreams, you must be in the best shape you can be. This does not mean you must be supermodel thin, but your body must send the signal to that caveman man brain that you are fit to produce healthy offspring and that said offspring will be healthy and can survive disease, hunger, etc. Your hourglass body represents fertility and sends a message to a man that you will be a good baby-making machine. Of course, this happens at the subconscious level, but believe me, it’s there. So if you want to make yourself more attractive, try to lose weight in a way that is best suited for your body type, go to the gym, or try to find some physical activity that will put you in the best shape you can be. You’ll not only feel better healthwise, but you’ll also look better and in turn, this will boost your confidence.
- Lay Off or Cover the Tattoos and Body Piercings–I know, you think they’re cool, but you don’t want to look like Nora Hildebrandt, the tattooed lady at the freak show. Because that’s exactly what you’ll look like to the non-tattooed man: a freak. Unfortunately, society still judges and creates stereotypes about people who don’t fit the mold. This is a fact you need to accept. Now, I’m obviously writing this post for women who want to appeal to the majority of men. If you’re trying to attract a guy who works at a tattoo parlor and lives for the ink, then knock yourself out–this post isn’t for you. But for those of you who have one or a few tattoos, consider stopping there. Make sure you cover up your tattoos and remove your piercings when in public or in places where you can potentially meet a guy you really like. Like I said before, for many people, tattoos and body piercings are still considered trashy and may be a turn-off.
- Clean Up Your Language–Cursing does not make you strong, in charge, in control, aggressive, or even remotely cool. Having a potty mouth can be a huge turn off for many men so when you are in the beginning stages of a relationship or just met a man, do not go around dropping F-bombs like you’re an old sailor returned from sea. Yes, it sounds sexist that some men believe that it is not lady-like for women to curse. But remember, I will always tell you the truth. Many, if not most, men do not like a swearing woman, so if you want to attract a man who still likes a classy lady, then you need to clean up your language.
- Have Your Own Interests–Be the person you want to meet. Be an interesting person, a person who has hobbies, who likes to go out and do things, a person who has accomplishments or is in the process of learning new things. If your well is dry, you cannot offer any “water” to another person. The same applies to having a well-rounded personality and a rich life of your own. Work on yourself so that you feel that any man would be lucky to have you. You are actually a catch since you have so much to offer.
- Don’t Be Clingy and Needy–I know you’ve been told that men like the chase and they like to feel they’re in control, but one thing that men hate is a woman who is clingy and needy 24-7. You need to be your own person and not feel that you need this man by your side to fulfill you or validate all of your emotional needs. This can get exhausting for the other person. Not only can another individual not fulfill your emotional needs, he shouldn’t be expected to. Relying on a man to fill a void in your life is a recipe for disaster. These relationships usually end on a sour note because the clingy person will always feel disappointed and the other partner will feel emotionally drained and resentful of the clinger.
- Avoid Competition–when you are in a relationship, you are in a partnership. This is not about who is right or wrong all the time, who has the last word, who makes more money, who wears the pants. Avoiding competition is a way to make yourself more appealing to a man, even if you just met or are in the beginning stages of your relationship. Men find that women who always feel they need to “prove” something are difficult to deal with and not agreeable to be around. If you are a strong personality, it’s okay as long as you are not in a pattern of always trying to one-up your partner or have a need to be right all the time.
- Be Feminine–Remember that men like women to be women. They want a woman who is nurturing and soft, a woman who is girly and who completes his masculine side. Your body language, your sensual voice and mannerisms, your clothes, all exude femininity. Being feminine doesn’t mean you are demure or act like a prude. It means you embrace traditional female characteristics.
- Don’t Sleep Around–My friends always tell me, “Why can’t I sleep around? Men do it and it’s acceptable and even encouraged!” Ahhhh, yes, grasshopper. This is true. Men DO get to sleep around (although I would say not all men sleep around as much as society paints them out to do) and they sleep around without impunity and judgment. So why shouldn’t you do the same? Because, unfortunately, we still live in a judgemental society where gender roles are still observed and where men do not like women who’ve given away all their cookies for any to sample. Most men like to think that they’re the only one and that their woman is pure as the driven snow. Yes, before you tell me how unfair this is, remember that I’m not saying that this is fair–life is not fair. I’m just telling it how it is. So when you meet a man whom you think you could have a relationship with, think twice before jumping into bed with him. Remember the old saying: what starts fast, ends fast. Get to know him and wait an appropriate time before sleeping with him. Don’t let him think that you jump into bed with every guy you meet.
- Smile–the world would be a much better place if we all smiled. What does a smile say about you? It says you’re approachable. It says you’re kind. It says you’re open. It’s part of the non-verbal cues that make up our body language. I know not all of us have a pleasant demeanor–in fact, I’ve even been told I have a resting bitch face. So if you know that sometimes you look too serious, or have been told that you have a resting bitch face, then you need to make it a point to SMILE! Men will approach you because they will not feel intimidated by your stern “stay away from me” look.
Attracting a quality man may seem almost impossible if you’ve had a lot of failed relationships and been with quite a few losers who’ve hurt you and broken your heart. But I tell you that there are a LOT of decent men out there who want to find the right woman to settle down with and have a long-term relationship.
Don’t give up on yourself. Work on the areas that need improvement, even just because you’ll feel better about yourself.